Changes

I'm really unsure how to start this blog or how to really put into words all that is running through my mind, but I will give it a shot. There may be some who read this that doesn't know that my father has Cancer and this blog will revolve around him.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch so I could be near my father in case he needed me. It has been four years since my father was diagnosed with Rectal/Colon Cancer. The doctor who did the surgery got all that he could see, but his Chemo doctor told him he would never be rid of the type of Cancer he had, but they could keep it at bay with Chemo.

So, for two and a half years Dad did the Chemo thing and he did really well on it even the doctors were surprised, because they told him they were giving him a very strong dose; in fact the strength was what they would give a man in his twenties.

Then one day he had his treatment at the hospital and when he was finished he stood up and he could hardly stand. He had to where a pump that sent the chemo treatments home for two and a half days and he shook and felt sick the whole time. It was at that point that he said, No more.

Off the Chemo he went and it felt to me at that point that the Chemo doctors and nurses just washed their hands of him - truthfully, I felt they had really done that way before he stopped the treatments. Why? Because of his age. He was eighty two when he was diagnosed with Cancer and by the time he stopped Chemo he was eight-four. I felt that because of his age they didn't try as hard as they would if he had been a young man. After all he was in his eighties so why try, he lived a good and long life. They haven't even called to see how he is doing. I mean, he is still their patient, shouldn't they care? I guess, that went out with house calls.

He was put on Hospice as soon as he went off Chemo and that has been a year. He was doing well, but now it seems every day something new is occurring. He shakes all the time and his appetite has dropped off drastically.

Which brings me up to yesterday. He ate breakfast and I ran my nephew to school then ran some errands and buy the time I got back, Dad had thrown back up what he ate. He ate a small amount of Supper and that too came back.

Now, I don't know if this is part of the Cancer working or not, but I know he needs to eat. I went to the store this morning and picked him up some jello and pudding hoping it would help keep something in his stomach, but I never thought of chicken noodle soup until he asked if we had any.  I have no idea why I didn't think about that, but I should have.

I feel as if I am letting him down and that maybe he would be better off with someone else looking after him, someone who would think about things he can eat. I asked him if he wanted me to go get him some - money is a little tight - and he said no.  I may call my brother and see if he can bring some home.

I would run out and get it anyway, but anyone who knows my father, knows not to aggravate him and I really don't want to deal with having to take his anger because I spent more money.

WHY DIDN'T I JUST THINK ABOUT IT WHILE I WAS OUT!!!!!!

April

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Grab a cup of coffee/tea whichever you prefer and relax. Think of this as a place to go when you need to get away. I hope you enjoy your time here and we become the best of friends. 

April