Heart is Breaking

I watch my Father grow weaker and weaker each day and my heart breaks a little bit more. I know having Terminal Cancer it's bound to happen, still it's so hard to watch. My family and friends tell me how proud they are of me for being here with him and all I gave up to be here, but I don't feel as if I have given up anything.

I hear him talking in his sleep. He went to rest in his bed a few minutes ago and told me goodnight. It's only a four ten pm. The Hospice nurses and doctor told me, he would eventually start going to bed more and more and would sleep more and more till he finally just went to sleep permanently. I have to wonder if that is beginning to happen.

My Heart is Breaking!

I know I'm supposed to be prepared for what is happening and what is to come, but I'm not. I try to be brave because I don't want Dad worrying about me or put any more worries on my brothers and sisters. maybe, I should be use to how things are - more so than the others, because I am here - but, I'm not.

My Heart is Breaking.

Tonight I fixed Chilli for supper and felt guilty because I know that Dad wouldn't be able to eat much of it - if any. Now I know he won't because he's sleeping. All he has ate today is a bowl of gravy and bread - something he really enjoys and can keep down - a slice of pound cake with two scopes of Vannila Ice Cream, and a small bowl of vegetable soup and a couple of crackers. He has drunk two small glasses of Buttermilk. I know he can only eat what he can eat, but I wish I could find something that he liked and wanted to eat.

My Heart is Breaking.

How do I face my Dad not being her?

April