Wet Day

There is a steady rain falling outside this morning, it comes down hard then slacks off. The temp here is around 57 degrees and does not seem to be getting any warmer. Temps could reach 61, but I seriously doubt it will.

Days like today make me feel lazy and I just want to curl up in a blanket with a good book, but with taking care of my Dad that is not something I feel I can do. I hear him in there now talking, something he does more and more lately. He does not even realize he is doing it.

His feet and ankles hurt all the time and I am starting to hear him groan while he sleeps. He is also seeing a little girl with blonde hair standing by his bed as well as a group of adults. He gets aggravated when he asks them something and they don't answer. He says he is talking to me, but I'm not in there.

I told my sister in - law and one of my other brother's girlfriend what Dad sees and brother # 5's girlfriend asked if he knew anyone that had passed away at that age and I said, "He had a sister that died at that age and from the look of the picture her hair looked blonde." It is a B&W picture.

I try to listen to what he says when he does talk out loud, because I not only want to know he is alright, but I find out pieces of information about his past as a young man and that gives me a glance into his life before we all were born.

He talks about his childhood and how hard it was, but it was a good childhood and he was happy. He misses his Dad a lot now and has even started talking about mom more and saying how much he loved her. he hasn't talked about her hardly at all in the forty years she has been gone - well in Dec this year will be forty years - but now he needs and wants her picture in his room. I guess it makes him feel closer to her.

I hear him groaning now. I really wish there were something I could do to help him. I guess just being here has to be enough.